22nd

that awkward moment when u just learned that your ex's monthsary with his girlfriend is also your monthsary date to be :)) haha HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT :))

we got together on may 22nd 08

we broke up feb 22nd 10

they had a relationship on dec 22nd 2010.. hahaha

THE GUY LOVES THE DATE!!! hahaha bozo!!

RANT 101

Sometimes i feel like giving up on you because it seems like i'm the only one trying. But at the same time i love you too much to let go.

people fall in love not knowing why nor how, its because love is a special feeling that doesn't require much answers, you just love.. no matter how stupid you become...

A lot of us have built dreams with people we hoped would be with us forever... only to wake up in the world of reality that nothing's permanent in this world. Love comes and goes. People stay and leave. LIFE IS A CYCLE of finding and losing, of making and breaking, of living and dying. That's how reality bites and that's how people learn the flow of life.

This is happiness

wanna know what happiness is?

this is...

Kayrel...

and Eric making faces.. haha

boyfriend cooking for breakfast

and of course, whoring :)

little things make me happy.. even the tiniest thing there is as long as it's real happiness..

im just a shallow person i laugh very easily, i cry very easily and i fall very easily.. haha

i may be shallow but im still strong :)

weeee

text...

after a week prior to the Moalboal getaway, the guy i've mentioned on the recent blog, his name was... uhm i call him POI :), texted me.. actually, we became textmates.. and then, BOOM... haha

if you know what i mean ;)

stop crossing my mind!

i was almost there! im almost over him.. until one sunny afternoon, a friend told me about him.. and everything about us just went berserk on my mind... *siiigh* i know this is not healthy anymore.. :( how can i ever forget him when he got sooo much to be remembered tsk..

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT TROUBLE!

I want to rant!

it's 4am and i could hardly sleep.. i thought im going to bed at 2.30am but when i lay in bed, a lot of heavy flashback came and it totally hurts me.. so i got up check my facebook, chat with my good friend and watched Gossip Girl. after that, i thought im ok but then again, im not.. i know this is sooo late because it's already 2 months after the break up.. i also thought that i have gotten over it but i guess i havent. as much as i want to have fun and enjoy, at the end of it, i know im sad and i cant help it..

this has been so far my worst emotional torture ever made.. i dont like it anymore but i cant help it..it keeps on coming back.. i know i can do this but i need time.. my friends are there but it's just not enough.. everytime i have a message in facebook, i hoped it's you.. when i open my mail, i hoped i have a mail from u, everytime my phone beeps, i hoped it's you, everytime there's an incoming international call, i hoped it's you but everything i hoped for never came and i realized that im stupid of still holding on to you when i know that he's happy communicating with somebody else there.. it's crazy i know and I HOPE SOMEDAY OR JUST EVEN FOR ONE DAY YOU WILL NOT CROSS MY MIND.. its sucks, right? *sigh*

... i suddenly realized that the way to get over you isn't hooking up with some random guy or pretending like we didn't happen... you and i loved each other... and then you broke my heart :( I've been doing everything possible not to face that fact... you said that i will meet somebody worthy than you.. oh yes i will.. and when i do, i'll do it for myself and not for us.. Bye YOU...

i'll find my way back to myself...

The After-effect

*thanx for the dolphin necklace*

I was crying for the whole afternoon of February 22, 2010. I went to starbucks with a friend who comforted me while i was crying in front of many people and i didn't care. Then I went to my best friend's house (I'm from Lapu-Lapu, she's from Banawa) to tell her everything she said, "As of now, don't mind him, what matters most is that you're graduating." hahaha and that did cheer me up.. weeee. Thank you mami and rex.. After that, i went shopping :)


The day after that was our ApEx. I thought i'll be crying on board and during our tour but i didn't. Instead, i was very busy doing the ApEx, met a lot of old and new friends and was having fun. Though i was thinking about him, but it didn't weaken me nor did it shed tears on my face. I was thinking why didn't i cry hahaha silly me. But yeah, i was readying myself to cry because i cry very very easily. Maybe this is because at first, i was expecting that we will not last that long because of LDR.

Anyways, there are stages of heartbreak and these are:

• Denial
• Pain and Guilt
• Anger
• Depression
• Acceptance and moving on

and i think that im on the stage of ANGER.. hehe yes honestly im sooo angry now that i want to slap him as hard as i can and i want to do it now and since i can't do it, i just keep myself busy and thank God im really busy now with my OJT and Graduation. They say, heartbreak is a long, long process.. yes it is unless if you're busy.. hehe you can't feel that you are heart broken. and honestly i don't wanna feel heart broken anymore because i've been through that process and it's really hard to recover. The best thing for a broken heart is to be patient and allow time to settle all unresolved feelings. :)

..i learned a lot from this love thing! hhaha

it's over

Friday Feb 19 2010, i had my retreat but i stayed online and he was online also, so we chat for a little while but he went out cuz he's sleepy and he told me he will mail me the next day..

Saturday Feb 20, 2010, i waited til evening but no mail has arrived..hmmm i kind of dont feel like it..

Sunday Feb 21, 2010, i saw his updates on his facebook so i supposed he's online so i checked my mail right away but i still didn't receive any. i posted something on his wall but he didn't replied.. i was starting to get worried :( then after some hours, i saw another update of him, making a reply in a picture comment of his friends i was really annoyed..

Monday Feb 22, 2010, i emailed to remind him that today is our monthsary (1yr, 9mos) still no reply but at around 11am, he went online and offline @ ym then he used his old account, still going online and offline so i ask him what happened to him and then after a few minutes, he replied.. "don't wait for me" i thought it was just a joke but it wasnt..

to make the long story short, HE broke up with me.. his first reason was he is having problems with his family and then i was wondering how does our relationship connect to it so i kept on bugging him.. he told me our relationship will never work because he's not coming back. tears fell and as much as i want to stop crying, i just can't. mom asked me why am i crying again, i didnt answer.. the tears just went flowing very fast i cant hold it.

i tried a lot of ways to keep our LDR work but it just didnt. but in the first place, he told me to never give up on him no matter what, and he wants me to wait for him no matter how long.. but look at it now, look who's giving up already? i could hardly understand his reasons at all, if he want this relationship works, then he would find ways i kept on suggesting but he said, "NO!" no matter what i do, it just wouldn't work, according to him.. something is really not good in here i have to find it out..he said there's no 3rd party involved it's just that he's not going back anymore at all.

whatever the reason is, i just hope he'll be fine there.. i wasted 3 months of my life thinking that he still loves me and would never leave me.. but i was fooled for 3 months i didn't realize that he'll be leaving me.. im blinded by his promises he told me not to worry but he made me do so..he told me that he'll come back for me but he won't be. welli dont really care if he won't be coming back anymore, as long as we're still holding on it's fine but he said he wont hold on anymore so let it be :( cant do anything about it..

so long eric :) thank you for everything..i'll be missing every little bit of u :) hehe