stop crossing my mind!

i was almost there! im almost over him.. until one sunny afternoon, a friend told me about him.. and everything about us just went berserk on my mind... *siiigh* i know this is not healthy anymore.. :( how can i ever forget him when he got sooo much to be remembered tsk..

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT TROUBLE!

I want to rant!

it's 4am and i could hardly sleep.. i thought im going to bed at 2.30am but when i lay in bed, a lot of heavy flashback came and it totally hurts me.. so i got up check my facebook, chat with my good friend and watched Gossip Girl. after that, i thought im ok but then again, im not.. i know this is sooo late because it's already 2 months after the break up.. i also thought that i have gotten over it but i guess i havent. as much as i want to have fun and enjoy, at the end of it, i know im sad and i cant help it..

this has been so far my worst emotional torture ever made.. i dont like it anymore but i cant help it..it keeps on coming back.. i know i can do this but i need time.. my friends are there but it's just not enough.. everytime i have a message in facebook, i hoped it's you.. when i open my mail, i hoped i have a mail from u, everytime my phone beeps, i hoped it's you, everytime there's an incoming international call, i hoped it's you but everything i hoped for never came and i realized that im stupid of still holding on to you when i know that he's happy communicating with somebody else there.. it's crazy i know and I HOPE SOMEDAY OR JUST EVEN FOR ONE DAY YOU WILL NOT CROSS MY MIND.. its sucks, right? *sigh*

... i suddenly realized that the way to get over you isn't hooking up with some random guy or pretending like we didn't happen... you and i loved each other... and then you broke my heart :( I've been doing everything possible not to face that fact... you said that i will meet somebody worthy than you.. oh yes i will.. and when i do, i'll do it for myself and not for us.. Bye YOU...

i'll find my way back to myself...

The After-effect

*thanx for the dolphin necklace*

I was crying for the whole afternoon of February 22, 2010. I went to starbucks with a friend who comforted me while i was crying in front of many people and i didn't care. Then I went to my best friend's house (I'm from Lapu-Lapu, she's from Banawa) to tell her everything she said, "As of now, don't mind him, what matters most is that you're graduating." hahaha and that did cheer me up.. weeee. Thank you mami and rex.. After that, i went shopping :)


The day after that was our ApEx. I thought i'll be crying on board and during our tour but i didn't. Instead, i was very busy doing the ApEx, met a lot of old and new friends and was having fun. Though i was thinking about him, but it didn't weaken me nor did it shed tears on my face. I was thinking why didn't i cry hahaha silly me. But yeah, i was readying myself to cry because i cry very very easily. Maybe this is because at first, i was expecting that we will not last that long because of LDR.

Anyways, there are stages of heartbreak and these are:

• Denial
• Pain and Guilt
• Anger
• Depression
• Acceptance and moving on

and i think that im on the stage of ANGER.. hehe yes honestly im sooo angry now that i want to slap him as hard as i can and i want to do it now and since i can't do it, i just keep myself busy and thank God im really busy now with my OJT and Graduation. They say, heartbreak is a long, long process.. yes it is unless if you're busy.. hehe you can't feel that you are heart broken. and honestly i don't wanna feel heart broken anymore because i've been through that process and it's really hard to recover. The best thing for a broken heart is to be patient and allow time to settle all unresolved feelings. :)

..i learned a lot from this love thing! hhaha