it's 4am and i could hardly sleep.. i thought im going to bed at 2.30am but when i lay in bed, a lot of heavy flashback came and it totally hurts me.. so i got up check my facebook, chat with my good friend and watched Gossip Girl. after that, i thought im ok but then again, im not.. i know this is sooo late because it's already 2 months after the break up.. i also thought that i have gotten over it but i guess i havent. as much as i want to have fun and enjoy, at the end of it, i know im sad and i cant help it..
this has been so far my worst emotional torture ever made.. i dont like it anymore but i cant help it..it keeps on coming back.. i know i can do this but i need time.. my friends are there but it's just not enough.. everytime i have a message in facebook, i hoped it's you.. when i open my mail, i hoped i have a mail from u, everytime my phone beeps, i hoped it's you, everytime there's an incoming international call, i hoped it's you but everything i hoped for never came and i realized that im stupid of still holding on to you when i know that he's happy communicating with somebody else there.. it's crazy i know and I HOPE SOMEDAY OR JUST EVEN FOR ONE DAY YOU WILL NOT CROSS MY MIND.. its sucks, right? *sigh*
... i suddenly realized that the way to get over you isn't hooking up with some random guy or pretending like we didn't happen... you and i loved each other... and then you broke my heart :( I've been doing everything possible not to face that fact... you said that i will meet somebody worthy than you.. oh yes i will.. and when i do, i'll do it for myself and not for us.. Bye YOU...
i'll find my way back to myself...
